hiking in the rain

i was going to begin this post with the quote, "life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about dancing in the rain." However, in the search to find the author, i realized how overused it is. overused or not, though, it reflects what i have learned over the past couple of days.

my life has been difficult this year. there is no doubt about it. but i have been reminded several times that it doesn't matter what life throws at me. what matters is how i respond. and in the face of making a couple of difficult decisions, i chose this morning to take a hike through Wissahickon Park. Wissahickon is part of a larger park system in Philadelphia called Fairmont Park. Those with even a passing familiarity with Philadelphia should know it. It's either a reminder that large urban centers can preserve parcels of land for green space, or for it's more notorious reputation as a place where young women shouldn't go alone. And of course, without knowing recent news of attacks occurring in the park, i went alone.

i am always surprised when the universe reminds me of why i need hikes like this. in order to start my hike, i needed to make it across a bustling thoroughfare, Bells Mill Road. It's difficult because you can't necessarily see the oncoming traffic in the right lane until it whips around the corner. as i waited for an opportunity to cross, cars on one side stopped but as i waited for traffic in the other lane, a women who decided to whiz by saw me and proceeded to slam on her brakes. i wasn't in her lane, mind you. i was in the other lane. she stopped because she saw me in the corner of her eye and clearly wasn't paying attention to anything but her own universe. she proceeded to roll down her window and bitch me out for not crossing the bridge - with no shoulders - to cross at the stop signs.
i had a little trouble letting this situation go at the beginning of the hike. i was frustrated with this woman. i hadn't walked in front of her car, she hadn't been harmed, and clearly she flew of the handle. it eventually passed but i realized as i was walking back to the car something i hadn't realized at the time of the incident. the crosswalk. i hadn't been paying attention either. i was simply wanting to cross the street; i hadn't noticed the worn white paint on the road. the yellow signs, however, should have stuck out to me. both the driver and myself were not in the present moment.

once i shook the incident, the hike was great. the ground wasn't too soft. the Wissahickon creek murmured beside the path. as the hiking trail cut away in a different direction, the murmuring subsided, and the rain pelting the leaves of the dense canopy of trees remained. at a number of places were tiny creeks where the water had carved a path. and my mind really kept returning to the ideas of change and impermanence.

impermanence. trees grow, they live, and they die. in several areas, fallen trees remain. often across the path. sometimes across the small creeks that flowed next to the path. sometimes just off in the distance. and i could make speculations as to why those trees perished. the important note is that they have a cycle. just as ideas have a cycle. sometimes they are present as my mind functions, but my thinking can continue even with the obstruction. sometimes i have to step over them, as they obscure the path ahead. and seeing them in the distance, far from the trail, i am reminded that while they are not what they once were, they remain a part of the landscape. each time i hike, though, i observe them as being. just as i should with thoughts.

it is difficult to explain to others who do not have a meditation practice why it's important NOT to label or describe. when i reflect upon the past year, it's easy for me to let the story play on and on in my head. i review all those situations where i felt powerless or cheated. all of the emotions return and i revel in those emotions like a pig rolls around in mud. and i take those emotions and those thoughts, and begin to place them into neat jars that are clearly labeled. but in the Buddhist tradition, we do not do that. we begin to observe these emotions, thoughts. rather than thinking about them, i simply learn to watch them as they rise and fall. like a tree, each thought, each emotion has a cycle.

as a meditation practitioner new to the path, i began to understand that i had been using breath awareness to bypass much of my emotional baggage. rather than letting it in, i simply pushed it to the side. my tendency has been to take the situation apart, as i mentioned above. to analyze. to categorize. and that's really not what Buddhist meditation is all about. it's about acceptance. i sat down the one of the ministers of the temple, and explained what was going on. and she told me a story.

when she began her practice, she was much like me. she wanted to analyze and label. she had a complicated process. but one of her teachers simplified it for her. the master related her actions to finding a book in a dark room. you try to remember where things are so you don't trip; you pull down books to find the book you are looking for. you go through a lot of trouble to find a book in this dark room when all you really need to do is turn on a light.

it's so simple that i can't wrap my mind around it. as emotions and thoughts arise, i should just let them in. eventually through this process, my understanding of my own mind will be that these emotions and thoughts will arise less often. as i understand my true Buddha nature, i will behave differently. i will also learn to understand that these emotions brought about by memories are not real. they are simply residual, left over from a situation that has passed.

a tall order indeed. as i proceed with my practice, i will keep these things in mind. i have been changing with the meditation practice; my reactions to situations are much different than they once were. i'm kind of stubborn, so i have to hear things over and over again. it's like the hiking trail today, though. once i know and understand it, i will benefit more. what a glorious realization to have! Sphere: Related Content