Receiving the dharma name

i'll have more to say about receiving a dharma name after it happens, i'm sure. my head is still swimming from the meditation retreat this past weekend. Zen Master Jeff Shore provided instruction on the ox herding pictures, which you learn about when you develop a meditation practice. the pictures represent the various stages that a practioner will progress through en route to enlightenment. his lessons were helpful, and i shall return to them once i've had time to process.

i want to write a little about receiving the dharma name this coming saturday. i came to practice through recovery. it is advisable that once you leave something as pervasive as a reliance on drugs and alcohol behind, you must understand that you cannot live by your own will. i'll sidestep the larger philosophical argument about the will to power because it's truly not helpful here. and when you live a spiritual existence, as jeff shore indicates, you cannot live entirely by your own devices.

i have always looked for the answer that would help me feel whole. i have always felt like other people knew things that i didn't. the truth is that most people didn't have an answer that i lacked. some were full of bull. others simply knew what i am now struggling with - there is no balance, no stability. the only way to begin a spiritual path is to understand this fact and to trust. trust that the spiritual path you have chosen provides a method for dealing with this instability.

in buddhism, the answer is so simple that it continues to elude me in painful fashion. just when i think i have it, i don't. it's incredibly frustrating for the western mind. at what point do i find myself? my ego is simply a construction that provides a method for adapting to and surviving in this world in which we live. and that construction will vary from culture to culture. my buddha nature never changes. and we all have one. we are all buddhas. unfortunately, this construction - my ego - has superceded my buddha nature. like the ivy that grows all over everything here in pennsylvania, my ego has covered over my buddha nature. suffering arises from my ego attaching to states of mind that serve my ego. this suffering dissipates when i begin to understand this.

so i have been meditating for over a year. i began prior to recovery, but like most delusions, the spiritual bliss dissolved fairly quickly. because my committment to the sangha and development of spiritual practice is valued, the sangha will provide me with a new name on saturday. this name will be won hae-sang. won means ultimate truth, and hae-sang means star of wisdom. as i develop my practice, i will serve as a star of wisdom for the world, providing balance especially in my scholarly endeavors.

my american mind is screaming in absolute terror. my buddha replies, "there is no absolute terror, so there is no need to scream." when i wonder what it would be like to be enlightened, i look at people like the Dalai Lama and Eckert Tolle. these human beings have used their wisdom in a manner befitting stars of wisdom. i am grateful for the name, for the opportunity to change, for the friends whom i have made, and for my life. i hope to shine brightly, remembering the Lojong slogan, "Abandon all hope of fruition." Sphere: Related Content